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Ephemera

by split/halves

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  • Ephemera CD
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    Comes in a shrink-wrapped jacket with artwork by Tony Morelli.

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1.
It’s been, a while, since anything’s gone this well I’m like, a child, learning how to spell Sounding it out You’ve got, eyes that, speak to me like mouths And I am, so set on, figuring it out Breaking up the syllables And sounding it out You’re so, distracting, but I guess that that’s ok Daydreams, with wide eyes, stumbling through the day I spent, 4 years, overthinking everything I guess that, I still do, but it’s better when I’m with you It’s better when I’m I tend to say some things that I don’t mean But so far I’ve found the self-restraint that I need In future tense thinking and holding onto my breath To prevent an early collapse of what little is left It turns out I wasn’t completely wrong I'll spend, some years, overthinking everything
2.
Left Coast 04:31
Well it’s getting dark but I feel fine Lost in between graham hill road and highway 9 But there’s a red, red robin chirping in my ear, and a breeze behind my back I took a long deep breath of redwood air and I found the railroad tracks This is clarity I think Is this sanity a trick Later that night I found myself 20 feet above the boardwalk questioning my mental health It’s these sad, sad songs getting in my head, of “honestly, I can’t remember” So I closed my eyes and thought of how far I’ve come since September And I watched, super 8 waves Breaking over and over again And I heard, your voice in my head I love you, over and over again I woke up, and drove down the coast So far away, from the things I care about the most And I hate how much I feel detached from it all, save this familiar buzz of a phone I want the north east back, rainy days intact, the only place I’ll really call home And it’s a thrill, to be where I’ve never been But I’m ill, sick for familiarity
3.
Ephemera 05:07
There's not, much to say, that I haven't already anyway I've found myself repeating myself, extra as of late Talking in circles I'm getting sick, sick of this cyclic trick Telling myself things that I'm not quite willing to admit Like I don't, know if, this is right when I've been thinking about her every night I know you said that that's alright sometimes, but I think that you're too kind And it's eating me inside Part of me tearing at parts of me, pulling at my limbs It's guilt and sorrow and shame, I swear I never meant you any pain If I do I'm fucked if I don't this sucks, and I've been losing sleep I'll probably end up both alone and an asshole it seems So I'll say, “Dear Grace, I'm sorry” and I am all to blame I didn't expect, to be, so hopelessly, lost in my own ephemera
4.
I think, that this, is still, sinking in 18 years of memories but I’ll never be let back in This home, was more, than just, two by fours It was staying up too late, feeling safe, and sleeping on floors On the wall of the closet I wrote my name Someday you’ll find it And coat it in paint I remember one time, making friends with fireflies And I, I’ll miss this place Running through the woods, getting up to no good For me, those were formative years On the wall of the closet I wrote my name Someday you’ll find it And coat it in paint This is a sacred place Where I learned my name Inside is a safe space A coming of age
5.
Huge 03:42
She was so small in stature Withering away And I can’t take this anymore Her body cried But she was huge Towering with charisma And why so soon? Not that it was unexpected We held out As we’d done before A turnaround That would never come Still expecting You around the corner This will take time Getting used to But she was huge Towering with charisma And why so soon? Not that it was unexpected And I saw a hope in the snow 3 nights prior to your last The cold rejuvenates your body in a way, a contrast To the weeks spent trying to get you to end your fast During which we realized it had become a selfish task
6.
Billow 03:50
Staying low, keep yourself underneath the smoke Taking care, taking in the last of your clean air There’s a billow on the bed where your body used to be And I’ll say that I’m not waiting, but I think we all know what that means Not quite right Take some time I’ll survive Off of coffee at night It’s an understatement, to say that I was disappointed To think I wouldn’t see you on the 21st of February But to my surprise, I found you in my home again That’s the night, I realized, I think this needs to end Not quite right Take some time I can’t get by Solely on coffee at night Words I’ve articulated in my own head But I’ve found feline lockjaw laying in bed For fear of disruption I’ll keep my mouth shut Give you time that need to dig out of this rut I want nothing more than to say what I mean Why can’t this be simple, like when I was 18 I’m shaking my bones like it’s zero degrees But I’ve never been warmer than under these sheets
7.
Four Door 06:26
This is something new, so unfamiliar A glow that just won't go, a warm core It started as a framework, to filling in the phrases By day 3, something so much more Trying to understand What makes this different Trying to understand Why I feel this way Before I've even touched your face Standing at the curb I started shaking Expecting to shake myself awake again Too slowly down the road, a red volkswagon As your frame came into focus, I’m wringing out my hands Those 49 hours were the best I think I've ever had, consecutively Because you don’t have to be perfect to be perfect for someone And I can’t get you out of my head So this is what I’ve been missing This is what I’ve been looking for And now that I know this feeling I won’t ever let go of this feeling
8.
Et Cetera 05:45
I've got this habit, a bad one, of pulling at the sutures It's painful, and I don't know why I do it But I think it's getting better, I think it's gonna be OK This skin will heal itself, this flesh will seal itself, someday It's not so bad, except for when I found your notes sitting at the back Of my dresser drawer, I thought there'd be more, I thought there'd be more And I don’t believe, these words to be as empty as they seem to me But only a part, of you, loved a part of me And I know I shouldn’t hope, it’ll only make this harder I think it’s getting better, but I don’t know that you’ll ever, really go away It's not so bad, except for when I found your notes sitting at the back Of my dresser drawer, I thought there'd be more, I thought there'd be more All that I can do right now Is put these words back in their place In the back of the drawer I won’t see them no more And keep saying I’m doing ok But I’ll always know That I’ll always hope To find it apropos To tell you “I love you” again

credits

released July 7, 2016

split/halves is:
Trevor Nierendorf - Vocals, Guitar
Andrew Johnson - Guitar, Vocals
Mike Harris - Bass
Tim Stone - Drums

Written and produced by split/halves
Recorded by split/halves at Mortal Music Recording Studios, Charlestown, MA
Mixed by Kenny McWilliams at Archer Avenue Studio, Columbia, SC
Mastered by Chris Shurtleff at Record or Die, Brooklyn, NYC

Special thanks to our families, Andy Pinkham, Tony and Sarah Morelli, Joey Perricone, Iain Buchanan, and Aaron Shadwell.

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